Fashion

Well, as all of you who know/have met/have seen/thrown stones at Fat Uncle Cheapo know, he thinks that the whole fashion industry is a total waste of space and time.


And he got vindicated.


He recently downloaded a movie called Pret-a-Porter. Horrible movie for those of a sporting disposition. The la-di-das and the ooh-la-las might enjoy it though. Anyway he didnt see the entire movie, he got bored after only a few minutes and watched the rest using fast forward.


From what he could make out it seemed some fashion competion or something was going on and the last designer was he winner. What did she do? Well she got all the supermodels to walk the ramp naked.


Cheapo thinks its one of them allegoragori things.....you know clothes do not maketh a man, we are all beautiful, naked is natural etc etc.


Now Cheapo aint propagating nudism. According to the UN Resolution and the Geneva Convention Act, hecan't be naked in public. Its apparently an offense punishable by being

• hung
• drawn
• fractionised
• decimated
• burnt
• kebabed and
• made to listen to amateur poetry

So Cheapo started thinking about clothes and dresses and what he would wear and what he wouldn't.


And being a proletariat plus a memebrr of the Worlwide Brotherhood of the Ugly Fat Bald Midget Community, he decided to look worldwide.


(And of course disqualifying any kind of animal product)

Lets start with Asia


Japan - Kimono - yes to the cotton ones, no to the silk ones

Korea - Hanbok - no, too complicated (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanbok)

Mongolia - Deel - yes to the cotton ones, but only during winter....USP being specially made pockets for carrying vodka (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deel_(clothing))... plus anything Cheghiz wore is fine by the Cheapo

Malaysia, Indonesia, Maldives etc - Sarong - hell no

Bangladesh and Myanmar - Lungi - hell no

New Zealand and Pacific Islands - Maori flax skirts - yep, nae problemo

Hawai - Hawaaiwan shirts - of course

Pakistan - apparently irrespective of gender, all the buggers wear salwar kameez - no thanks

Bhutan - Gho - again, nae problemo http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gho



Lets go to South America


Venezuela - Licqui Licqui - Cheapo admits that he got really excited upon hearing the name but as it transpires, its just pants and shirt http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gho - so meh

Americas - any kind of American Indian costume - fine by me

Mexico - Sombrero and Mariachi suit - of course...Cheapo already has an Urban Sombrero

Chile - Huaso costume - sure

Peru - Chullo and Poncho / anything Incan - hell yes


If we consider Middle East and Africa

Alkhalla, Bedouin robes, grass skirts, multi coloured robes - all cool


now Europe


Germany, Austria etc - Tracht, Lederhosen http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tracht http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lederhosen.. ooooooooo yesssssss


Czech and Slovakia - Kroje http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kroje - looks like there is a lot of red, so no


England - Morris Dancers' costume and Bowler hat - no way in hell for the former, hell yes for the latter
Croatia -


Chesse Eating Surrender Monkeys - Beret - yep


Balkans and Greece - Fustanella http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fustanella - looks cool, so yes


Netherlands - Clogs - why in hell would Cheapo wear wooden shoes????


Ancient Rome, Greece etc - toga, robes, skirts - yes yes yes


Poland, Belarus, Lithuania, Ukraine - Kontusz  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kontusz - Cheapo picturised himself in that ensemble, and liked it


Scotland - Kilt - do ye even have to ask


finally


McDonalds - hair made of mop, red nose and giant clown shoes - wanna wanna wanna wanna



and oh btw, Cheapo would rather get

hung

drawn
fractionised
decimated
burnt
kebabed and
listen to amateur poetry


than wear that disgusting, obscene, hazardous, morally reprehensible article of clothing which Indians have traditionally worn for hundreds of years and asa result of which they have had their arses kicked by all and sundry - The Dhoti