Lets face it, that damn Eternal City has been producing great individuals like a BMW production line. But amongst this plethora of greats, who can be crowned the greatest of them all?
We can start off with Horatio (not the drunk lackey of Hamlet nor the highly irritating cop from Miami)...the lad who stood on a bridge and said "Vos volo nonnullus , adveho adepto nonnullus" [You want some, come get some]. Mucho testicular fortitude of course, but he can't be the greatest on account of being an utter nutter and complete bananas.
Then we have old Julius and his bosom buddy Pompey.
Well Pompey is disqualified for choosing the wrong side.
Julius on the other hand cannot be considered because...well let's face it...all that he did was
a. Beat some Celts (everybody does)
b. Make the Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys..well...surrender (more or less on par with some dude claiming to raise the sun....lets face it, its one of them rules of nature like:
So, in conclusion, nothing special really ...and so Julius is disqualified.
Octavian is more complex case. The man founded the bloody Roman empire. Immortality is guaranteed. But then he did betray his ally Cicero. Betrayal of an ally is a heinous crime. It separates the men from the Kingshuk Ukils. And so Augustus Ceaser is disqualified.
Nero - Setting fire to Rome - ok, burning Christians for light - well it was the favourite pasttime then, so ok......but playing the violin??!!!! nopes, that's just not right, so disqualified
Caligula - On the plus side, he made his horse a priest (and it is alleged that the horse was perhaps the best priest the world has ever seen...certainly the least corrupt and hypocritical)...on the minus side, he prostituted his sisters, that's as wrong as the existence of A of the B...so disqualified
Ovid - He was kicked out of his own city/country and ended up in Romania.....can't really be treated as the greatest Roman.
So, at this point you might be asking who? Who is it that is the greatest Roman of them all?
Well, it is pretty evident isn't it?
He used to sell rubber ducks from his apartment. Now he is one of the richest men in the planet.
He is friends with one of the most, if not the most, bad ass politicians of all time.
And he is the owner of the greatest and most carefree and the sheckshiest club of all time.
Ladies and gentlemen (who am I kidding, I have 1 regular reader)...so Pooja Sancheti, I give you
Roman Abramovitch.
We can start off with Horatio (not the drunk lackey of Hamlet nor the highly irritating cop from Miami)...the lad who stood on a bridge and said "Vos volo nonnullus , adveho adepto nonnullus" [You want some, come get some]. Mucho testicular fortitude of course, but he can't be the greatest on account of being an utter nutter and complete bananas.
Then we have old Julius and his bosom buddy Pompey.
Well Pompey is disqualified for choosing the wrong side.
Julius on the other hand cannot be considered because...well let's face it...all that he did was
a. Beat some Celts (everybody does)
b. Make the Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys..well...surrender (more or less on par with some dude claiming to raise the sun....lets face it, its one of them rules of nature like:
what goes up must come down,
the sun rises in the east,
women say ewwww to Fat Uncle Cheapo
and the Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys surrender)
and c. Bonk Cleopatra (everybody did)So, in conclusion, nothing special really ...and so Julius is disqualified.
Octavian is more complex case. The man founded the bloody Roman empire. Immortality is guaranteed. But then he did betray his ally Cicero. Betrayal of an ally is a heinous crime. It separates the men from the Kingshuk Ukils. And so Augustus Ceaser is disqualified.
Nero - Setting fire to Rome - ok, burning Christians for light - well it was the favourite pasttime then, so ok......but playing the violin??!!!! nopes, that's just not right, so disqualified
Caligula - On the plus side, he made his horse a priest (and it is alleged that the horse was perhaps the best priest the world has ever seen...certainly the least corrupt and hypocritical)...on the minus side, he prostituted his sisters, that's as wrong as the existence of A of the B...so disqualified
Ovid - He was kicked out of his own city/country and ended up in Romania.....can't really be treated as the greatest Roman.
So, at this point you might be asking who? Who is it that is the greatest Roman of them all?
Well, it is pretty evident isn't it?
He used to sell rubber ducks from his apartment. Now he is one of the richest men in the planet.
He is friends with one of the most, if not the most, bad ass politicians of all time.
And he is the owner of the greatest and most carefree and the sheckshiest club of all time.
Ladies and gentlemen (who am I kidding, I have 1 regular reader)...so Pooja Sancheti, I give you
Roman Abramovitch.
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