The Incredible Fart

Ah, that ancient and noble art of farting. And yes people, it is an art.


In antiquity, people were more obsessed with the really important stuff - ye know, like assasinations, invasions, human sacrifice, genocide etc. They did not bother about such everyday normal stuff as farting. Everybody farts, its a normal bodily function.

Even that bunch of weannabe rockstars, R.E.M had a suprhit single -

"Well, everybody farts sometimes,



Everybody cries. And everybody farrts sometimes


And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on


Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on


Everybody farts. You are not alone" etc etc


What they were trying to say was that there is no need to be ashamed of it, if ye feel like it, just go ahead.


The problem is with them upper class, la di dah snobbish types...they have become so conscious of their images and how people look at them etc that they have forgotten how to enjoy life. And the sad part is that true to the utter twerplike nature of human beings, everyone now seeks to emulate those useless plonkers.


Well, Fat Uncle Cheapo is not one of them. He proudly farts wherver he wants, whenever he wants. And he doesn't give an amoeba's doodah what the Homo Dimwitens think about it.


So now we come to the actual farts.


As you are all well aware, different people fart differently. Some farts are smelly, some are noisy, some are a combination of two. Now Fat Uncle Cheapo, being one of them ambitious chappies, has worked with determination and dedication for over two decades to develop the masterpiece - the Incredible Fart.


It is truly a work of art. It is more melodious than the Blue Danube Waltz and the Moonlight Sonata combined. It is more fragrant than the smell of a thousand roses. Rich in texture and character, it evokes the memory of a place as pure and joyous as Eden. Poets wax lyrical in its presence. Words like sublime and ethereal have been used to describe its beauty.


It is well and truly The Incredible Fart



and it is coming soon to a place near you

Fat Uncle Cheapo's 1st Post-Humorous DisasterPiece

OHHH haidi haidi haidy haidy haidy haidy haaaaaaaaaaa

It was 4o cloock in the night



Not a creature was stirring


Except Fat Uncle Cheapo


Though his vision was blurring
 
 
A dude invited him to a party 

He accepted it n enjoyed greatly
 
He was at the party all night you see
 
Eating and farting constantly


OHHH haidi haidi haidy haidy haidy haidy haaaaaaaaaaa

Soon it was 4 o clock

The dogs started barking

Fat Uncle Cheapo realised

That its time for some wanking


So he bid adieu

Toodle oo he expressed

He hopped onto Baldrick

And the journey commenced


OHHH haidi haidi haidy haidy haidy haidy haaaaaaaaaaa


On the road while going home

He saw an orange e li phant

He tried to buy it some peanuts

And almost ran over a tent


Thankfully the tent was empty

There was not a soul in sight

So Cheapo was tiptoeing away

When he saw a bright light


OHHH haidi haidi haidy haidy haidy haidy haaaaaaaaaaa


When he came near the light

He saw that it was a traffic signal

He tried to make sense of the colour

But it became all subliminal


His head started hurting

And of course he was farting

Hence he became wee depressed

And started to self detest


OHHH haidi haidi haidy haidy haidy haidy haaaaaaaaaaa


He became very depressed

And decided to commit suicide

And so he tried to do it

And smashed the curbside


Unfortunately he didn't die

He just got very hurt

He started ro rub his legs

To clear away the dirt



And then he became hungry again

And so he went home

And then he got a bucket of chicken

And surfed porn on Google Chrome


OHHH haidi haidi haidy haidy haidy haidy haaaaaaaaaaa

OHHH haidi haidi haidy haidy haiiiiiiiiidy haiiiiiiiiiiidy haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Breaking News: "I want to fuck John Terry" declares WBSA

In an exclusive interview with our special correspondent Fat Uncle Cheapo, WBSA declared that she would love to do the horizontal rumba with England's Brave John Terry. This is in addition to her previous declarations regarding her desire to do the same with Eboue, Abou Diaby, Flappyhandski, Gallas, Silvestre and the world's richest hermaphrodite CR9.

She had also declared that she wouldn't mind doing all of them at the same time.

What is really surprising is that a certain bespactacled, bread-omelette loving, injury-prone Arsa supporter has declared that doing the same act with the same group of people is his secret and innermost desire as well.

Viva La Pasta

Shiva was a wife-beating dopehead, Krishna was a luj character polygamist, Jesus was a gayboy, Mohammed a poedophile and Buddha was fat.

That leaves El Diego

Breaking News: "I am pregnant" says PBPS

In an exclusive interview with our special correspondent Fat Uncle Cheapo, PBPS declared that she is pregnant. She also announced that its not mere idle speculation, she got a certificate from a doctor to prove it.

Our investigations have revealed that there indeed is such a certificate and that she used that certificate to do some nefarious stuff with the Indian Railways.


There have been unconfirmed rumours about warbands of Sanchettis in Gujarat and rajasthan going o nthe rampage to try and find out who the father is.

This paper will keep ye updated.

Breaking News: "I was misquoted" announces PBPS

In a hastily called for press conference, PBPS announced that she was misquoted by the media. She particluarly pointed the finger at our very own Fat Uncle Cheapo.

For readers who are not privy to the facts, during a press conference to promote her new pornumentary One Foocked over the Cuckkoo's Nest, PBPS had announced that La Donna Antella is incredibly fond of riding 3 inches.

In the latest press conference, PBPS insisted that she never meant what was reported. She claimed that she only wanted to say that La Donna likes riding, anything - horses, bicycles, bikes etc, even if it is only for a distance of 3 inches.

After the initial quote was  published, widespread jubilation was reported amongst the upper class la-di-dah populace. The recent news is sure to prick their bubbles.

Breaking News: "I become cold when I am wet" declares La Donna Antella

In an exclusive interview with our special correspondent Fat Uncle Cheapo night before yesternight, La Donna Antella burst this bombshell which can potentially ruin the dreams, hopes and spirations of millions of horny bastards worldwide. She declared that she becomes cold whenever she gets wet.

But rejoice all ye horny bastards (men and lesbians alike), she did not mean anything sexual (duhty mind the lot of ye) she only meant that if she gets drenched in the rain, she catches a cold.

Breaking News: PBPS declares: I like it up my ass

From our Special Correspondent Fat Uncle Cheapo


In an exclusive interview with our special correspondent last night, the world famous Yogini PBPS quoted that the Count Luigi di Jimborghini as saying that he likes things up his arse. According to her it has got something to do with his alleged homosexuaility.

To add gravitas to her statement, she cited a recent instance when the Count was taken to a doctor, where he behaved in an impeccable civilised manner.

He even lied down and watched proceedings with a polite look of interest on his face when the doctor was shoving thermometers et all in the proverbial........an action totally different from that of a certain Bog Monster and a certain bespactacled injury-prone Arsa supporter (apparently and allegedly, according to certain sources, both their faces exibit rapturous ecstacy when things are shoved up their proverbials).

Despite repeated attempts from this correspondent, neither agreed to give an interview regarding these allegations.