Well, in today's Telegraph's there was an entry requesting the name of a Biblical dancer. Its Salome btw.
However, this particular clue posed two interesting observations in the mind of Fat Uncle Cheapo.
The 1st observation was that whoever makes crosswords are either geniuses or wankers...or probably both.
And this being Fat Uncle Cheapo, the thoughts soon permeated into identifying who all were Biblical Wankers.
We start with our man Adam.
He was a man.
Ergo he was a wanker.
All men are, no point pretending otherwise.
Next.
There seems to be some confusion about Archangels. It seems the religious types can't make up their mind about how many there are...some say 3, some say 4, some say 7. I will restrict myself to 3 - Michael, Gabriel and Rafael.
Rafael, being a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, is definitely not a wanker.
As far as Michael is concerned, reports indicate that he is a dude but all images, illustrations portray him as a feminine......no conclusion can be arrive at at this juncture but the words hermaphrodite, eunuch etc are roaming around.
Gabriel is apparently a man with superpowers - so basically a mutant. He is horny (has a horn) and loves children. I am not saying anything, but based on those facts, you draw your conclusions.
When has an Authority or Ruler or Power or Principal ever been a wanker? Since they exploit everybody so it is safe to say that they are not wankers.
According to Dionysius the Areopagite
"The name of the holy Virtues signifies a certain powerful and unshakable virility welling forth into all their Godlike energies; not being weak and feeble for any reception of the divine Illuminations granted to it; mounting upwards in fullness of power to an assimilation with God; never falling away from the Divine Life through its own weakness, but ascending unwaveringly to the superessential Virtue which is the Source of virtue: fashioning itself, as far as it may, in virtue; perfectly turned towards the Source of virtue, and flowing forth providentially to those below it, abundantly filling them with virtue."
If that's not a description of an erection, nothing is. And if they are continuously erect, they have to wank.
From all accounts, the Dominions are Jedis...and Jedis aren't wankers.
An Ophan/Throne, mainly because it is either a wheel or a throne, is not.
The Hoi Polloi might think that Cherubs are fat kids. Deep research (3 mins in Wikipedia) suggests that that's bollocks. According to the lad Ezekiel, Cherubs are 'a tetrad of living creatures, each having four faces: of a man, a lion, an ox, and an eagle. They are said to have the stature and hands of a man, feet of a calf, and four wings each.'
Why do you think they had hands of a man?
Exactly.
The Seraphim most definitely are. Think about it, they are incredibly hot but so hot that they can't do it with others. So....
Next we come to the masochist carpenter. There is a difference of opinion amongst the theosophical types regarding this contentious issue. Well, to save the readers' (who am I kidding, reader's [sigh]) time, let me summarize it. Its a simple either-or scenario.
Either
JC went around doing prostitutes
Or
He was a wanker
Or
He married Magdalene and they had offsprings etc and there is a long line of descendants ending in
Now coming to the big man
a. There is no Mrs. God
b. He liked to look at naked women (can't blame him) and kicked out Eve when she nagged him for clothes
Well, do I have to spell it out people?
GOD is a Wanker.
However, this particular clue posed two interesting observations in the mind of Fat Uncle Cheapo.
The 1st observation was that whoever makes crosswords are either geniuses or wankers...or probably both.
And this being Fat Uncle Cheapo, the thoughts soon permeated into identifying who all were Biblical Wankers.
We start with our man Adam.
He was a man.
Ergo he was a wanker.
All men are, no point pretending otherwise.
Next.
We come to the angels. Well, there seems to be way too many of them. In fact, there were so mnay of them that they had to establish an underground colony called hell. There is no way to determine the penchant for wanking in all of them. So we have to contend with a few superstars. (And its not my fault that all the superstars are from hell)
Apparently Asmodeus is a very lusty fellow; he fell in love with Sarah but never got to do it with her; so yes a wanker.
Baal on the other hand is a spider with 3 heads - so not a wanker.
Beelzebub is an insect...there is no proof whatsoever of any insect ever wanking, so.
Belphegor apparently "originated as the Assyrian Baal-Peor, the Moabitish god to whom the Israelites became attached in Shittim (Numbers 25:3), which was associated with licentiousness and orgies. It was worshipped in the form of a phallus."....comments or speculations are unnecessary
Leviathan is a whale (how in hell's name a whale ever came to symbolize evil etc is something noone will ever understand). Nuff said.
And finally, it seems that Moloch was a bit of a Wellbeloved. He went around asking people to sacrifice their children to him. Well, we all know what type of people like children in such a disturbing manner.
Apparently Asmodeus is a very lusty fellow; he fell in love with Sarah but never got to do it with her; so yes a wanker.
Baal on the other hand is a spider with 3 heads - so not a wanker.
Beelzebub is an insect...there is no proof whatsoever of any insect ever wanking, so.
Belphegor apparently "originated as the Assyrian Baal-Peor, the Moabitish god to whom the Israelites became attached in Shittim (Numbers 25:3), which was associated with licentiousness and orgies. It was worshipped in the form of a phallus."....comments or speculations are unnecessary
Leviathan is a whale (how in hell's name a whale ever came to symbolize evil etc is something noone will ever understand). Nuff said.
And finally, it seems that Moloch was a bit of a Wellbeloved. He went around asking people to sacrifice their children to him. Well, we all know what type of people like children in such a disturbing manner.
There seems to be some confusion about Archangels. It seems the religious types can't make up their mind about how many there are...some say 3, some say 4, some say 7. I will restrict myself to 3 - Michael, Gabriel and Rafael.
Rafael, being a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, is definitely not a wanker.
As far as Michael is concerned, reports indicate that he is a dude but all images, illustrations portray him as a feminine......no conclusion can be arrive at at this juncture but the words hermaphrodite, eunuch etc are roaming around.
Gabriel is apparently a man with superpowers - so basically a mutant. He is horny (has a horn) and loves children. I am not saying anything, but based on those facts, you draw your conclusions.
When has an Authority or Ruler or Power or Principal ever been a wanker? Since they exploit everybody so it is safe to say that they are not wankers.
According to Dionysius the Areopagite
"The name of the holy Virtues signifies a certain powerful and unshakable virility welling forth into all their Godlike energies; not being weak and feeble for any reception of the divine Illuminations granted to it; mounting upwards in fullness of power to an assimilation with God; never falling away from the Divine Life through its own weakness, but ascending unwaveringly to the superessential Virtue which is the Source of virtue: fashioning itself, as far as it may, in virtue; perfectly turned towards the Source of virtue, and flowing forth providentially to those below it, abundantly filling them with virtue."
If that's not a description of an erection, nothing is. And if they are continuously erect, they have to wank.
From all accounts, the Dominions are Jedis...and Jedis aren't wankers.
An Ophan/Throne, mainly because it is either a wheel or a throne, is not.
The Hoi Polloi might think that Cherubs are fat kids. Deep research (3 mins in Wikipedia) suggests that that's bollocks. According to the lad Ezekiel, Cherubs are 'a tetrad of living creatures, each having four faces: of a man, a lion, an ox, and an eagle. They are said to have the stature and hands of a man, feet of a calf, and four wings each.'
Why do you think they had hands of a man?
Exactly.
The Seraphim most definitely are. Think about it, they are incredibly hot but so hot that they can't do it with others. So....
Next we come to the masochist carpenter. There is a difference of opinion amongst the theosophical types regarding this contentious issue. Well, to save the readers' (who am I kidding, reader's [sigh]) time, let me summarize it. Its a simple either-or scenario.
Either
JC went around doing prostitutes
Or
He was a wanker
Or
He married Magdalene and they had offsprings etc and there is a long line of descendants ending in
Now coming to the big man
a. There is no Mrs. God
b. He liked to look at naked women (can't blame him) and kicked out Eve when she nagged him for clothes
Well, do I have to spell it out people?
GOD is a Wanker.
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