What the F?

Yep, it was a weekend, nay a whole week full of F-s.


There were lots of F-ing going around. Unfortunately, most of it was not at all pleasurable. 


To start with, Fat Uncle Cheapo's favourite niece the Kiddo complained about the F-ing cold in the land of the Sasquatches. Then she went and got F-ing drunk.


Then we had Uber, the 2nd most violent person ever seen in these shores (after Sultan Mahmud of Ghazni). After much sorting and analysis of evidence, it was proved that she somehow managed to mindF herself (and yes I am well aware that for writing that, I am going to get a F-ing thrashing).


Then there was the Wellbeloved Family Doormat Awefully Wee Crybaby.  She has come up with a new and innovative way of getting mindF-ed....and no its not mind4letter word, but rather mind-fart. That's right people. She gets mindfarted by her one true god - the gay pedophile Wellbeloved. As a result of the mindFart, she has become rabid and is now going around biting people.


Our man Midas also got F-ed. In his case, f stood for frozen. Here's what happened. Midas got huge pain in his hand. Suspicions of carpet tunnel arose (ironic since we have neither a carpet nor a tunnel). So Midas did the only thing which seemed to work. He stuck his hand in the freezer.


However, some recent evidence has arisen which point out that it was Miss Monopolycheater Cakebaker who F-d Midas's hand by stabbing it with a fork.


Now comes the good part.


It is a widely established fact that Fat Uncle Cheapo never gets respect from his friends. So it was natural that when he announced his plans of cooking egg curry, he was showered with derision, ridicule, scorn, disdain and disparagement.....and in Uber's case, punches and kicks.


But undeterred and in the face of extreme adversity, Cheapo F-ed (fortified) his heart and persevered.


He F-ed (familiarized) himself with the procedure, then he F-ed (facilitated) the cooking process by buying all them ingredients. He F-ed (focused) during the cooking process and F-ed (fine-tuned) and F-ed (flavoured) it to his heart's content.   


And he did it. He cooked.


And to paraphrase the critics' opinions, it was utterly, butterly delicious (ironic that, since no butter was used).


And his name went into F-ed (fabled) territory.