Rules, Regulations and New Year Wishes

(in alphabetical order, before the Arsa fans get excited about being 2nd)

Aston Villa -

Thou shalt do all in thy power to make even Mr. EM look good
NYW - Finish above Birmingham


Arsenal -

Thou shalt not practice defending
Thou shalt not score without passing the ball at least 47 times
Thou shalt be more obsessed about Spurs than about thy own results or such mundane things like trophies
Thou shalt whine
NYW - Trophies be damned, lets have more money

Birmingham City -

Thou shalt help Arsenal fulfill their 3rd law by kicking lumps out of them
NYW - Finish above Villa

Blackburn Rovers -

Thou shalt not keep the ball on the ground
Thou shalt employ 23 men and 1 El hadji Diouf and 1 Morten Gamst Pederson
Thou shalt never ever ever forget to roll over for Lord Wrigley's team
NYW - Buy Ronaldinho!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blackpool -

Thou shalt entertain by being complete bonkers
NYW - Retain players

Bolton Wanderers (Owen Coyle) -

Thou shalt do miracles like making Bolton attractive and taking them to top 6
Thou shalt do further miracles by making Elmander look like Messi
Thou shalt prove the rest of the world to be pansies by wearing shorts in sub-zero temperatures
NYW - 6th

Chelsea -

Thou shalt ensure that Murphy's Law - if there's a remote chance of anything going wrong, then it will go wrong - is always followed

Winston Bogarde

Adrian Mutu
Ranieri's subs
Ghost goal
Messi's dive
Sacking HIM
Appointing Grim Reaper Grant
Appointing Louis Philip Scolari
John Terry's Studs
Fucking referee
HIM again
Salomon Kalou
Mosquito
NYW - 4th, Avoid Spanish teams in Champs League


Everton -

Thou shalt not win in the first 4-5 months of the season
Thou shalt not lose in the last 4 months of the season
Thou shalt ensure that Superman wear Tim Cahill pyjamas

NYW - Finish above pool




Fulham -


When you are in row Z
And the ball comes and smacks your head
Its Zamoraaaa
NYW - Get relegated (by buying Santa Cruz)





Liverpool -


Thou shalt epitomize the football equivalent of Godwin's Law by mentioning netspend
Save RAFA
NYW - Save RAFA

Manchester City -

Thou shalt assemble the most expensive assortment of nutters and football player impersonators the world has ever seen
No matter what, thou shalt play at least 4 defensive midfielders all the time
NYW - Finish above Manu


Manchester United -

Thou shalt try tirelessly to produce the ugliest team the world has ever seen (for that purpose, thou shalt employ hermaphrodites, lampposts, thugs, ninjas, ogres and the lovechild of Satan and a chihuahua
NYW - Buy some referrees





Newcastle United  -


Thou shalt ensure that no matter what happens elsewhere, everyone can make fun of thee

NYW - Lard knows



Stoke City -



Its Pulis's Way or the Highway




Sunderland -

Thou shalt ensure that no matter what, Sir Wrigley get 6 points off of thee


NYW - Finish above Newcastle



Tottenham Hotspurs -



Thou shalt somehow combine to be the most exciting as well as the most comical team around
Thou shalt be more obsessed about Arse than about thy own results or such mundane things like trophies

NYW - Sky is the limit




West Bromwich Albion -


Thou shalt do thy best to be the football equivalent of a yo-yo
NYW - Survival


West Ham -

Thou shalt be worse than diarrhoea
NYW - Clone Scott Parker





Wigan Athletic -


Even in this day and age, thou shalt somehow manage to find footballers whom noone has ever heard of
Even in this day and age, thou shalt somehow continue t obe a football club despite having no supporters
NYW - Survival


Wolverhampton Wanderers -

Thou shalt either play crap but survive or play well and get relegated
NYW - Wins