Creationist Version (as written in the Book of Clackalackadackdack)
On day 1, that highly Confused Fella, who can't decide whether he is the father or the son or whether he is a fucking ghost decided, having been bored silly, decided to create light and ergo days and nights etc etc.
Then he started thinking what to do with all that. Being a bit of a lazy bum, on the 2nd day, he only created skies.
On the 3rd day, havin been scolded by his wife Mrs Fella for being lazy, he created oceans and earth and plants et all.
On the 4th day, he created the sun, the moon, the stars etc.
On the 5th and 6th days, he started creating all manners of creatures, those who could fly, those who could swim, those who had bollocks and even a creature who couldn't do anything and had no bollocks - this last entity he named Wellbeloved.
On the 7th day, he created football. he created 3 teams. One represented Goodness - it was named Chelsea. One represented Evil - it was named Mancheste fucking United. The 3rd team represented children and the need for the children to be regularly spanked by the bigger boys. This team he called Arsenal.
But this post ain't about football - it's about the Wellbeloveds.
By the end of the 6th day, Adam and Eve had already started fucking like there's no tomorrow......well to be fair to them, at that particular point of time, there was no tomorrow.
Anyway, the Wellbeloved peeped on the two doing their stuff - thereby becoming the first voyeur (a tradition which its descendants have been carrying on; only the other day, the current Wellbeloved contracted poison ivy on his penis after wanking while peeping into a boys' kindergarten class) and became sad.
He petitioned the Confused Fella. He claimed that he is lonely and he needs to have sex.
The Confused Fella pointed out that Wellbeloved has no bollocks. Wellbeloved countered by saying "But you are the Mighty Confused, I don't want bollcoks, I just want to ensure the continuance of my species."
The Confused One started thinking. He kept on thinking and thinking and thinking and finally came up with a solution...
He told Wellbeloved. "Thou shalt never have bollocks of any kind, thou and thy descendants shalt be despised and made fun of for all eternity. But since thee wanteth new generations, I will ensure that in every generation there will be born amongst mankind some Fucking Idiots who will become insanely fond of the Wellbeloveds. Thee and thy descendants will have sex with these fucking idiots. And though thee and thy descendants will never have bollocks, by a feat of Confused Miracle, the fruit of the union will result in progenies. These creatures will be Half-Man and Half-Beloved and ergo shall be called Manbeloveds."
The Confused Fella being mightily confused never thought about the consequences of his proclamations. True the Wellbeloveds got their fucking idiots and multiplied but they also remained forever Manbeloveds or in other words gay.
The current Wellbeloved, a very religious and traditional entity, follows the Confused Fella literally. Ergo, not only is he gay, but following the confusion in his god, he does not know whether to love the father or the son and have ended up with incestuous sexual feelings towards all male babies.
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