What is Wellbeloved?

Well, rumours and speculations abound regarding the nature of our very own Wellbeloved. Critics and scholars (never the same group of individuals - true scholars don't criticise and critics are fucking idiots) have gone around scratching their hairs trying to unlock the enigma that is Wellbeloved.

Well after years of painstaking research, our intrepid journalist extraordinaire Fat Uncle Cheapo has finally come to a conclusion.


Here's the evidence.

Case 1 – Wellbeloved likes the Awfully Wee one to dress up like a young boy.

Case 2 -Wellbeloved has a roommate who is terrified of switching off the lights. Also, the lad is so scared whenever Wellbeloved is around that he runs away from home.

Case 3 - Wellbeloved is unaccountably fond of tripods.

Case 4 - Wellbeloved is a staunch supporter and fan of the Great Pedophile - Arse n Wanker.

Case 5 - Wellbeloved is just not the same after his true great love the Octogenarian Playboy aka Walking Toothpaste Advert left town. 

Case 6 (Video Evidence) - Our correspondent manged to get a copy of that underground gay porno cult sensation - Hump a Dick aka Menage a Tripod. Getting it wasn't easy. Cheapo only got it after he went and threatened the produced and director Sir Paunchsalot that Cheapo would reveal to the whole world that all of Paunchsalot's supposed original jokes are in fact taken from the internet. 

The video turned out to be one of those 4D live action/animation hybrids. It starred the famous gay porn star Big Dick Lover (who goes by the nom de plume of Gayboy Cherian - allegedly to escape his legions of hermaphrodite fans), two animated characters - a giant whale called Moby Dick and a giant camel called Moby Hump and Wellbeloved.

There was no plot or storyline. The action took place on a beach and it involved Wellbeloved getting triple bummed by the camel, the whale and Big Dick Lover with a tripod. 

Case 7 - Wellbeloved's incredible ability to get injured doing anything and everything. The lad once got injured playing chess.

Case 8 - When he heard of Cheapo's investigation, Wellbeloved mysteriously disappeared from Hyderabad.

So based on all these evidences, the only hypothesis nay theory that can be formed is that 

Wellbeloved is an arthritic gay pedophile. 

Naturally, Cheapo could not ask Wellbeloved directly. So he asked Wellbeloved's Beloved Awfully Wee Anoian Crybaby Tippy Tapper.

She claimed that:

a: He is not

b: Flappy is the best goalkeeper that has ever been, that there is and that there ever will be

c: Its all a conspiracy perpetrated by the CIA, Al Qaeeda, The Uranians and the Freemasons.