Despicable, Disgusting and Disgraceful

Everyone who knows me knows that I am a reasonable individual. And that I am a peaceful person.

However there are some entities that make me homicidal. Since I love sports so much, I thought I would share with you the sporting entities who I despise or/and would like to thwack.

1. Gary Neville
2. Sore / bad losers / Wenger and his fans (the same group basically, the Wenger fans have taken sore loser-ship to an art form.....not Arsenal fans though, I like the club, I like their fans...its only people like Wenger and people who think Wenger > Arsenal that infuriates me)
3. Gary Neville
4. Manchester fucking United ( I respect them but hate them)
5. Mohd Azharuddin for being a traitor to the country..(and I have also lost all respect for the Congress party for giving him a ticket)
6. Gary Neville
7. Indian Olympic Committee and its officials (for being fucking corrupt and useless)
8. Indian politicians massacring our sports
9. Whoever wherever however is responsible for the state of Indian hockey today
10. Gary Neville
11. Barcelona (2008 - )...for being arrogant sods
    
12. Tom Herring Obrebro
    
13. Christiano Ronaldo (on the field)
14. Gary Neville
15. Australian Cricket team (barring Gilchrist)...for being arrogant sods
16. Roger Federer ...for being another sore loser plus for believing he is the greatest...you are not the best mate, not when you get regularly spanked by a certain Spanish fella
17. East Bengal Football Club...I know they are a necessary evil but still
18. Gary Neville
19. Neville Neville for spawning Gary
20. Grandpa Neville for spawning Neville Neville ad infinitum
21. Sania Mirza for pissing away her talent
22. Steve mfucking Bucknor
23. Steven Gerrard fans who voted him as one of the all time great midfielders...bunch of fucking idiots....even Liverpool fans have voted King Kenny as their all time greatest player and Kenny was not even amongst the candidates for the all time greats poll
24. Uli Hoeness for sticking with Van Buyten and Demichelis........you fucking idiot
    
25. Gary Neville
26. Andy Gray for never shutting up and spewing shite
27. American Football...frankly awful
28. Players who win and then thank god, yeah like god has nothing better to do
29. Gary Neville
30. Suresh Raina for not having a clue if a ball comes above his knees
31. The Pakistani cricketers of 80s and early 90s who kept on beating us over and over and over....
32. Chetan Sharma for that full toss
33. Venkatesh Prasad for thinking he can be a commentator
34. Those who employed Venkatesh Prasad thinking he can be a commentator
35. Gary Neville
36. Harsha Bhogle for being an insufferable know it all
37. Louis Felipe Scolari for fucking up my beloved team
38. Juventus
39. Gary Neville
40. Those who think that synchronised swimming and rhythmic floor gymnastics are sports.
41. The fact that you have to be silent during tennis, snooker etc....what d fuck mate, if the footballers and the boxers can keep their concentration amongst that noise (Arsa players excused, they play in a funeral home after all), so should everybody
42. Players who accept bribes.......unless you are piss poor, there are no excuses
43. Winston Bogarde
44. Gary Neville
45. Stephen Hunt
46. All the Jonny come lately Barca fans...suddenly the whole world is awash with them...and most of them wouldn't know a football if it came and struck them in the nose.....anyway 5 years down the line they will all be Real Madrid fans (because of.. you know... HIM)
47. Morten Gamst Pederson
48. Gary Neville
49. Watching chess
50. Gary Neville

What is Wellbeloved?

Well, rumours and speculations abound regarding the nature of our very own Wellbeloved. Critics and scholars (never the same group of individuals - true scholars don't criticise and critics are fucking idiots) have gone around scratching their hairs trying to unlock the enigma that is Wellbeloved.

Well after years of painstaking research, our intrepid journalist extraordinaire Fat Uncle Cheapo has finally come to a conclusion.


Here's the evidence.

Case 1 – Wellbeloved likes the Awfully Wee one to dress up like a young boy.

Case 2 -Wellbeloved has a roommate who is terrified of switching off the lights. Also, the lad is so scared whenever Wellbeloved is around that he runs away from home.

Case 3 - Wellbeloved is unaccountably fond of tripods.

Case 4 - Wellbeloved is a staunch supporter and fan of the Great Pedophile - Arse n Wanker.

Case 5 - Wellbeloved is just not the same after his true great love the Octogenarian Playboy aka Walking Toothpaste Advert left town. 

Case 6 (Video Evidence) - Our correspondent manged to get a copy of that underground gay porno cult sensation - Hump a Dick aka Menage a Tripod. Getting it wasn't easy. Cheapo only got it after he went and threatened the produced and director Sir Paunchsalot that Cheapo would reveal to the whole world that all of Paunchsalot's supposed original jokes are in fact taken from the internet. 

The video turned out to be one of those 4D live action/animation hybrids. It starred the famous gay porn star Big Dick Lover (who goes by the nom de plume of Gayboy Cherian - allegedly to escape his legions of hermaphrodite fans), two animated characters - a giant whale called Moby Dick and a giant camel called Moby Hump and Wellbeloved.

There was no plot or storyline. The action took place on a beach and it involved Wellbeloved getting triple bummed by the camel, the whale and Big Dick Lover with a tripod. 

Case 7 - Wellbeloved's incredible ability to get injured doing anything and everything. The lad once got injured playing chess.

Case 8 - When he heard of Cheapo's investigation, Wellbeloved mysteriously disappeared from Hyderabad.

So based on all these evidences, the only hypothesis nay theory that can be formed is that 

Wellbeloved is an arthritic gay pedophile. 

Naturally, Cheapo could not ask Wellbeloved directly. So he asked Wellbeloved's Beloved Awfully Wee Anoian Crybaby Tippy Tapper.

She claimed that:

a: He is not

b: Flappy is the best goalkeeper that has ever been, that there is and that there ever will be

c: Its all a conspiracy perpetrated by the CIA, Al Qaeeda, The Uranians and the Freemasons.

The War to End all Wars

We have had WW1, WW2 etc.


Lots of people have speculated about when the next great war will come and who will be the protagonists.


Different theories have been bandied about - the names of the Yankees, the Limeys/Poms, the Towelheads, the Krauts/Huns, the Yids, the Chinks or Gooks, the Pakis, the Ivans


But a truly epic battle needs epic combatants.


And thus we will have the War to End all Wars


The combatants - The Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys and the Bongs


Yes those two groups of legendary fighters would be able to have the most memorable fight the world has ever seen.


After a flurry of messages, it was decided that the battle will take place in neutral territory. USAUSAUSA suggested Iraq since, as they put it, nothing else can further screw up that place than what they have done already.

So the plains of Babylon, which have seen such famous warlords and conquerers as Darius and Alexander, Hammurabi and Nebuchadnezzar, Saddam and George W Bush, would once again ring with the battle cries of bloodthirsty soldiers..........


........well cries of Mon Dieu, Merde, Dur Baal and Jah Sala to be more precise.


Anyway the Americans apparently suggested the site to apparently entertain the their troops.

So after lots of speeches and letters and theorising and philosophising , the day came nearer and the 2 armies started towards the destination.

The French army had 10000 soldiers. Accompanying them were 5000 cooks, 10000 butlers and valets, 5000 tailors and hat-makers, 10000 wives and 20000 mistresses.

The Bong army had 10000 soldiers. They were accompanied by their wives and mothers.


So forward and onward they marched (only interrupted when the women wanted to go shopping and when different groups went on strike) and after a few months, they reached the appointed place.


The day came. The two armies stood facing each other, both clad in their finest.

The generals of the 2 army came to the centre and.............................


started making speeches.



In the meantime, 1 Iraqi shepherd climbed up a hillock to see what the hell is going on.

Soon soldiers from the 2 army noticed the boy.


Consternation broke out.


There were widespread shouts of - "Nous sommes ainsi effrayé nous pooped juste dans notre pantalon", "nous sommes condamnés", "avoir la pitié", "bachao", "baba re gelum" "o mago".

The Bongs started running away. Seeing that, the French immediately threw down their weapons and put their arms above their heads.


And thus happened the war to end all wars.