What you gonna do?

What you gonna do?

What you goona do?

In the following situation




You get fever.


You come out of fever and immediately go away to a trip (where u get a stroke)


You come back and start recuperating.


And it rains more or less incessantly.


You know what it means.





Yep, it means that you run out of clean underwear.



All of them are either dirty or still wet after washing.



So whatchu gonna do?



Well, Fat Uncle Cheapo weighed up his options.


He could wear a dirty one.......but that's unhygienic...and itchy


He could wear a wet one.....but after the family pebbles suffered pneumonia while trying to attend the summons of She Who Must be Obeyed, it is prudent not to take a chance; not that losing the family pebbles would in any way hamper his procreational abilities...for let's face it, he has as much chance of procreation as a poached egg. However, them scientific nerdy types opine that having pebbles is somewhat related to having beard......and as all you lot know......hands off the merchandise...so no wet stuff.


He could go out and buy new ones.....but what with the recuperation from stroke, and the rain, and the piled up office work...not to mention extreme laziness....there is no way that is going to take place....and anyway due to the circumferential awesomeness of his arse, not many Hyd shops stock underwear that fits Fat Uncle Cheapo.


So there really is only 1 option left.


And that's what Fat Uncle Cheapo had to take up.



Yep, he has gone commando.



And let me tell you folks, riding a bike..well Baldrick... on a bumpy, pot-holed road whilst being muy commando is no joking matter....things tend to flap around and get squashed.


There is another problem.



Due to the neurons which move in a ninjaesque speed and lazy fat blood vessels which refuse to do their work, Fat Uncle Cheapo's super-processor (head) is always hot.


Result - AC on full blast.


You see where I am going with this don't you?




Head or pebbles......the most difficult toss a human being had to ever go through.

EPIC FAILURE

The term was first used to describe Duryadhan, Ravana, Priam et all.


But over the years, the list has been filled with other distinguished luminaries like the French Army of the last 4000 years, the Inca kings Huascar and Atahualpa, the Bong King Laxman Sen, anyone in the path of Genzhis Khan, Guy of Lusignan (King of Jersusalem who got spanked by Saladin), Louis XVI, the Japanese numbnut who ordered the attack on Pearl Harbor, the Arsenal defence etc.


But now, an addition has made made in this creme-de-la-creme of awfulness.


I am talking of Potter8, the undisputed king, nay emperor of  horrible series endings.


Make no mistake about it, there have always been bad series endings: Spiderman 3, Jurassic Park 3, Indy 4 and of course the last one of the Matrix.


But forget the cake, HP8 takes the whole bakery when it comes to sucking.


For some mysterious reason, they (the movie people) decided that the story wasn't cool enough.


So they cut out the best 2 scenes of the whole series from their movie (am talking abt Potter coming out when Prof McGonagell gets slapped...and Neville's grandmother coming and declaring how proud she is of him)


They leave out Fred's death, completely mess up Snape's death, totally ignore Hagrid's giant brother and Kreacher....but somehow find time to create a totally ridiculous scene involving Neville on that bridge.


The emotion you got while reading about Molly Weasley's battle with Bellatrix was one of jaw-dropping surprise and pleasure. The feeling you got from watching the same scene in the movie was one of meh.



And the less said about Ron Weasley's expression at the epilogus (yes I made up the word, live with it) scene of the movie, the better.



The movie had 1 positive though.


It ended.

Riots my arse

England's burning.


It all started in North London and now have spread to Nottingham, Wolverhampton, Birmingham, Manchester and for some odd reason Gloucester as well.  There had been widespread looting, burning, mugging etc. One particular poor sap got badly beaten up by the police, and then got mugged by the looters. Strangely, or well not so strangely if you think about it, the only shops which haven't been touched at all are the book stores.


Apparently, now the Sikhs, the Turkish Kurds and the Nazis from English Defence League have taken it upon themselves to protect their respective neighbourhoods.


Yep, this has all the potential of turning into the Battle of Five Armies (strangely I know that my non-literature studying readership has a greater chance of understanding the reference than the literature students)


But what precipitated this crisis?
What lit the spark for this kaboom of doom?


Well, the pseudo-lefties are spouting all kinds of theories regarding poverty, hopelessness, race, sense of discrimination.

Want discrimination? Try being an obese, ugly, bald, black Brahmin (upper-class) midget in India.


But seeing as it is the wold's first riots organized through Blackberry, and that the looters are looting flat screen tvs, one has to surmise that the lefties are, as usual, sprouting utter bollocks.


No, the causes are deeper...and much much more sinister.


Well, 1 plausible theory going around is a rumour that the riots were started by the Spurs fans when they heard that Redknapp is buying Emile Heskey.

Apparently Heskey was sighted in North London.

Meanwhile upon their own club being linked with Mr. Em, the Arsa fans apparently tut-tutted and put down their cups of tea in indignation and exclaimed "By Jove, I say that's not cricket!!"


Well, another theory that is going around is that it started after the police found a secret underground hall full of young children under the Emirates Stadium.


But they are all wrong.


What prompted this anger was actually the sight of Gary fucking Neville punditting on Sky over the weekend.


p.s. 1 week of rioting and only 4 dead????


You call that rioting????


This lot really need to take lessons from Bongs.