What would Wayne Rooney Say

When all hope seems gone
When everything seems dark

When life seems to have lost all meaning
When the very act of breathing seems a chore
When the present seems unbearable and the future looks bleak
When it seems that you have nothing but a lifetime of despair and misery to look forward to



Just ask yourself one question




What would Wayne Rooney say?






Who? Who is this paragon of wit and intelligence that can beguile the masses with his sermonizing skills? Who is this most eloquent of all orators that carries on the tradition of Aristotle, Plato, Socrates, Marcus Antonius, Buddha, Jesus, Vladimir, Adolf and Chairman Mao??




I shall tell you.




In Scouserland in the late 80s of the previous century was born a wee lad who looked like the illegitimate offspring of an ogre and a potato.



Those who were with him at the moment of his birth became convinced of his future greatness when, unlike any other baby in the world, upon spanked in the bottom by the doctor, the 1st sounds that came out of his mouth wasn't waaaahhh but


"What? Fucking What?"



A few years later, the wee orcito was put in a school where they tried to teach him the Scouse alphabet.



A is for apple
B is for banana

et etc



It is at W that the trouble usually started. The only sound that used to come out of the wee ogrito's mouth upon hearing W was


What? Fucking What?





The poor lad never managed to learn the joys of X, Y and Z (and failed geometry as a result).



Seeing that the little ogre was to studies was Oedipus was to healthy family relationships, his parents decided to teach him footy.


They took them to the Toffee Footy Academy where they met the Tracksuited Glasgewian, who asked the young fella, "So do ye want to play footy all yer life?"


the response



What? Fucking what?



Years passed. The little orc grew up to be a massively ugly orc and fell in love with a nurse.



He went and got down on one knee and opened up a box of ring and said



What? Fucking What?