Pissed Off - An Ode (sorta) to an Unsung Hero

Let's take literature


And I mean proper literature, with actual stories, not the namby pamby Guus awful post-modern bullshit.


Somewhere somehow some la-di-dah decided that he or she will start writing books with no stories but with lots of adjectives and just like a herd of buffoons, the other la-di-dahs agreed.


So, when talking of proper literature, remember that it is supposed to be a reflection of real life.


And in real life, people get pissed off.


So, that being said, tell me who should be the most pissed off man in the world of literature?


Note: 1. I flat out refuse to talk about depressing stories or characters - so no Russians, no Woolf, no Hardy, no Joyce etc etc.
2. Gollum/Smeagol is disqualified [for being too human]. So is Wolverine [for being super-human].



We have to start with Adam (try living with the knowledge that you gave up a rib to get kicked out from heaven)

We have to take into account Odysseus (he fights a 10 year war and then he just wants to go home...and btw I firmly believe he will still do all of that rather than read James Joyce's story about him)

As well as Arjuna (try sharing your wife with 4 other wankers (unless you are into swapping)....and then get lectured on morality by the greatest luj character in history)

Sancho Panza can be a good candidate (try living with a mad man)

So can be Dr. James Watson (try living with a drug addict)

MacBeth can be considered (try living with Lady MacBeth)

So can be the members of the Reform Club who lost the wager to Phineas Fogg (what were the odds eh)

Captain Ahab is a definite candidate (try living with 1 leg)

So is the Man in the Iron Mask (well try living with an iron mask)

Romeo's father (can't be arsed to find out his name) was one pissed off man (try living every day with the knowledge that you have given birth to a numpty so extraordinaire he can't even differentiate between a living and a dead person)

So was Malvolio (no explanations necessary)

Spare a thought for Pongo Twistleton (try living with Frederick Altamont Cornwallis Twistleton as an uncle)


And for Batman (you save their ass, they call you an outlaw)

If we are considering women, then Impedimenta is worth a shout (try living in a village of madmen)

Also worth lots of shouts is Lady Constance Keeble (try living with Clarence and Galahad as your brothers)



But none of them come even close to our winner. He is a simple man. He has no wish to be a hero or a protagonist. He just want to sell some meat.



Ladies, gentlemen and those of the hermaphrodeic persuasion


I give you


Cutts the Butcher


(and each and every one of you who have ever received a call from a wrong number during an important meeting/event/occasion will agree with me)