The Circus

No am not talking of the Charlie Chaplin film, nor am I talking about those tented spectacles involving clowns, acrobats and trapeze artists.


What I am talking about is my office.


In fact, truth be told, it is more of a museum or even a freak-show.


You wanna know why?


Well, to star off, the boss is gay....and a sexually frustrated one at that. All day he goes around touching the backs of various men.



Doesn't bother me since, with me, he uses different tactics.


He keeps touching my shoulder, that too the one injured by She Who Must Be Obeyed.



Next we have a marketing lad who confuses women with chicken and persists in calling the former as chicks.



Then we have a 3D animation guy who openly has both a wife and a girlfriend and spends all day trying to sell his land to businessmen.



Then there is the graphic designer who operates under an alias.



Then there is the female dwarf.



Talking of females, there are 2 relatively hot looking ones in office. Unfortunately, one of them has the voice of a donkey with bronchitis and the other is so shrill that an emotional Sanchetttttti is Darth Vader by comparison. There is another female whose voice is so low that probably only dogs are able to hear her properly.


We also have a Muslim lad who is becoming a disciple of Brahmakumaris and keeps chanting 'om shanti'


Then we have the hermaphrodite.


How do I know he/she is a hermaphrodite you ask?


Well, to begin with he pretends to be a guy though he/she has not facial hair. Plus he never uses the urinal.  She/he may be shy you say. Of course he may be but then again I might understand if he shies away from using one of the urinals when the others are occupied but not using them even when all of them are free, hell even when the whole rest room area is empty?? I think not. He/she does not have boobies, so he can't be one of them cross-dressers, so hermaphrodite he is.



We also have a commie hating HR guy, an alcoholic driver, a failed lawyer, a lad who only eats at KFC, an aspiring MBA who bursts into palpitations when asked her name in English,  an office boy obsessed with Farmville, an office amma who keeps pestering me for biriyani recipes and a finance guy who haven't got around to the concepts of basic mathematics.


Then there is my deaf mute friend who has decided to fall in love - but only after inquiring about the marital status of the object of his affection.



And then - like the big ass tip of a humongous iceberg, like the chocolate chips in a chocolate ice cream, like the bling on Mr. T,  like Anduril in the hands of Aragorn - there is me.

Pissed Off - An Ode (sorta) to an Unsung Hero

Let's take literature


And I mean proper literature, with actual stories, not the namby pamby Guus awful post-modern bullshit.


Somewhere somehow some la-di-dah decided that he or she will start writing books with no stories but with lots of adjectives and just like a herd of buffoons, the other la-di-dahs agreed.


So, when talking of proper literature, remember that it is supposed to be a reflection of real life.


And in real life, people get pissed off.


So, that being said, tell me who should be the most pissed off man in the world of literature?


Note: 1. I flat out refuse to talk about depressing stories or characters - so no Russians, no Woolf, no Hardy, no Joyce etc etc.
2. Gollum/Smeagol is disqualified [for being too human]. So is Wolverine [for being super-human].



We have to start with Adam (try living with the knowledge that you gave up a rib to get kicked out from heaven)

We have to take into account Odysseus (he fights a 10 year war and then he just wants to go home...and btw I firmly believe he will still do all of that rather than read James Joyce's story about him)

As well as Arjuna (try sharing your wife with 4 other wankers (unless you are into swapping)....and then get lectured on morality by the greatest luj character in history)

Sancho Panza can be a good candidate (try living with a mad man)

So can be Dr. James Watson (try living with a drug addict)

MacBeth can be considered (try living with Lady MacBeth)

So can be the members of the Reform Club who lost the wager to Phineas Fogg (what were the odds eh)

Captain Ahab is a definite candidate (try living with 1 leg)

So is the Man in the Iron Mask (well try living with an iron mask)

Romeo's father (can't be arsed to find out his name) was one pissed off man (try living every day with the knowledge that you have given birth to a numpty so extraordinaire he can't even differentiate between a living and a dead person)

So was Malvolio (no explanations necessary)

Spare a thought for Pongo Twistleton (try living with Frederick Altamont Cornwallis Twistleton as an uncle)


And for Batman (you save their ass, they call you an outlaw)

If we are considering women, then Impedimenta is worth a shout (try living in a village of madmen)

Also worth lots of shouts is Lady Constance Keeble (try living with Clarence and Galahad as your brothers)



But none of them come even close to our winner. He is a simple man. He has no wish to be a hero or a protagonist. He just want to sell some meat.



Ladies, gentlemen and those of the hermaphrodeic persuasion


I give you


Cutts the Butcher


(and each and every one of you who have ever received a call from a wrong number during an important meeting/event/occasion will agree with me)

What would Wayne Rooney Say

When all hope seems gone
When everything seems dark

When life seems to have lost all meaning
When the very act of breathing seems a chore
When the present seems unbearable and the future looks bleak
When it seems that you have nothing but a lifetime of despair and misery to look forward to



Just ask yourself one question




What would Wayne Rooney say?






Who? Who is this paragon of wit and intelligence that can beguile the masses with his sermonizing skills? Who is this most eloquent of all orators that carries on the tradition of Aristotle, Plato, Socrates, Marcus Antonius, Buddha, Jesus, Vladimir, Adolf and Chairman Mao??




I shall tell you.




In Scouserland in the late 80s of the previous century was born a wee lad who looked like the illegitimate offspring of an ogre and a potato.



Those who were with him at the moment of his birth became convinced of his future greatness when, unlike any other baby in the world, upon spanked in the bottom by the doctor, the 1st sounds that came out of his mouth wasn't waaaahhh but


"What? Fucking What?"



A few years later, the wee orcito was put in a school where they tried to teach him the Scouse alphabet.



A is for apple
B is for banana

et etc



It is at W that the trouble usually started. The only sound that used to come out of the wee ogrito's mouth upon hearing W was


What? Fucking What?





The poor lad never managed to learn the joys of X, Y and Z (and failed geometry as a result).



Seeing that the little ogre was to studies was Oedipus was to healthy family relationships, his parents decided to teach him footy.


They took them to the Toffee Footy Academy where they met the Tracksuited Glasgewian, who asked the young fella, "So do ye want to play footy all yer life?"


the response



What? Fucking what?



Years passed. The little orc grew up to be a massively ugly orc and fell in love with a nurse.



He went and got down on one knee and opened up a box of ring and said



What? Fucking What?