Well all of ye who have clackalackadackdacked the last post, now know of the awesome record of the Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys when it comes to doing anythin resembling a fight.
But for some reason, they regularly enter into arguements and then challenge people (only to get spanked) and then they surrender.
But they are not at the top of the food chain though.
There is another group of individuals who have established themselves as the numero uno of...well everything....they suffer from unsurpassable amounts of superiority complex and.....well have reached the zenith and pinnacle of self delusion.
They have also reached the zenith of martial loserliness.
They have lost em all (as a group/race...defo not individually...the motherland got independence due to the bravery and sacrifice of quite a lot of the individuals)
And their last Hindu king (historically inaccurate, Raja Ganesh was the last but by all accounts he was quite a good fighter, so can't be considered for this blog) had led from the front and had trailblazed his way to immotality.
You see the fella's name was Laxman Sen. He epitomised awesomeness. In fact awesome was his middle name.
Why you ask?
Well, he got news of an invasion by the Mulims (Bakhtiar Khilji) and he abandoned his capital city and ran away. As it transpires he ran away from 20 men on horseback who had just come to check things out.
Yes people, this blog is about those half men half amazings, those mythical legendary warriors - the Bongs.
Barring Shashanka (of Gaud) and Raja Ganesh not a single one of them have ever won a war.
But what about the Muslim rulers ye ask? Weren't they Bongs as well ye ask?
Yep those who were born in the region definitely can be considered Bongs. So lets have a look.
The conqueres are automatically and naturally disqualified.
Their descendants (if born/broght up in the region) can be considered.
Khilji Dynasty
Bakhtiar Khilji started it after Laxman Sen ran away
His descendants Muhammad Shiran Khilji and Husamuddin Iwaj Khilji were both spanked by Delhi and Ali Mardan Khilji was assasinated by his own people.
Mameluk Dynasty
All Turkish, none born i nthe region....but still all either assasinated ordefeated by Delhiwalas.
Mahmud Shahi Dynasty
All Iranians.....last one defeated by Tughluq's general
Illyas Shahi Dynasty
Shamsuddin Ilyas Shah was probably born in the region and by all acounts quite a good soldier so - Exception proves the Rule
His descendants however included
Sikander Shah, whose most notable achievement was begetting 17 children from his 1st wife and 1 from his 2nd...the last one promptly defeated him
Shihab-ud-Din Bayazid Shah, who once sent a giraffe to China
yes, I know
Habshi Dynasty
Abyssianian....don't ask me just what exactly that lot was doing in Bongland
Hussian Shahi Dynasty
Founder Arab
Descendants lost to the Ahoms of Assam....yes we lost to that lot also...sigh
Sur and Shahi Dynasties
Apart from gettong occassionaly spanked by the Delhiwalas, they spent their days wanking
Then we had the governors/ vassals etc of the Mughals
Then Murshi Quli Khan - non Bong
The next 3 born in the Deccan or Orissa
And then there was Siraj ud Dullah - born and brought up in Bongland
So naturally the 1st Indian ruler to be routed and killed by the East India Company
So as you can see, the Bongs have no equal (except possibly the Austrians) when it comes to being unmitigated disasters when on the battlefield.
However, we have more than made up for being livinglegends on the battlefield by being seven shades of awesome in creating/producing
the hottest women
the most brilliant novels, stories, poems, songs, dramas and films
the weirdest paintings
a long and endless stream of good to great footballers
a long and endless stream of critics and know-it-alls
and most importantly - the most delicious food on this planet
So ye lot can have yer battles, we have our food.
p.s Its such a shame that we also have the comrades, but hey no one's perfect.
p.p.s We also have/are the laziest bunch of creatures this planet has ever seen (and this is a planet which has seen tortoises, facebook addicts and Jimbo)
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