The Assclown: Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys

Talking of Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys, they are the only 1 group of individuals in the whole world who have never won a war. Of course they have won a few battles here and there nut when it comes to losing, they have no equals.

It all started with Vercingetorix first declaring war on ole Julius, then quite delightfully mucking up his tactics and millitary strategies (becoming a jelly in Julius's doughnut shaped fortifications), then feeding his own soldiers to the metaphorical cannons and then....well...surrendering

He wasn't the last...oh no, not by a long way

Fast forward a few hundred years and we have the monkeys fighting the Lions

and what happens?

Yes that's right they lose and lose and lose (Crecy (1346) and Agincourt (1415) famous examples) and surrender and surrender and surrender

and when they finally get a commander (Joan of Arc) who can beat the bloody Englishmen, what do they do?

They burn her

Once again fast forward

We arrive at the 18th century

We see the monkeys fighting along with that other great martial powers Austria (who has never ever won a war) and Spain (the only war they ever won was the civil war...but they lost that as well) against those tiny insignificant warrior nations of Britain and Prussia.

Guess what happened....go on guess guess

Thats right

The real fun was about to start though

The 19th and 20th centuries were the zenith of the ancient and noble simian tradition of surrendering.

It started with Napolean getting an arse kicking of epic proportions in Egypt and the talantic by Nelson. He decided to evolve and fight on land. After being chased all around the continent by Arthur Wellesley...guess what Napolean did??

Yep

He was put in an island where he got bored after a few years. So what did he do. He walked into Paris and the whole nation surrendered to him. He then assembled a huge massive army and started marching to Belgium.

Upon reaching Belgium, more specifically a place called Waterloo, he decided to go back to Paris. Upon reaching Paris, he carried on the simian tradition and ..well....surrendered.

[Aside - the man was an eejit. Why you ask?

1. The British army employed riflemen - the Greenjackets. The rifle had a much bigger range as well as accuracy and was deaedly as a sniper weapon. So what did Napolean do? He said oo la la and stuck to muskets.

2. The British used the line formation while fighting. What it meant was at any point of time there were say a hundred men ready to fire. Boney on the other hand stuck to his columns - wha tthat meant was that at any point oftime only the front line could fire - so say 4 or 5.

What is amusing is that he stuck to the same strategy over and over and over and.....even though he kept on losing and losing and losing and...]

We proceed a few decaded...Napolean 3 is in the throne. Bismark of Prussia said "boo!".

Napolean 3 not only surrendered the army but also surrender Alsace, Lorainne, dignity etc etc.

Just to keep in practice, he surrendered a few years later to the Italians as well.

We all know what happened in WW1 and 2.

But hey surrendering to the Germans ain't that humiliating is it.

What is humiliating is surrendering to a bunch of peasants...as the monkeys did in 1954 in Vietnam.

From then on, the monkeys has kept a strict policy of surrendering whenever and wherever they got he chance.....(prime example French Football Team)

And one of France's most famous son is now upholding the traditions of blindness and sheer imbecilic foolishness by....well....by completely destroying a certain football club and surrendering its dignity and history as well as any chance of ever actually winning anything towards his insatiable lust for young boys......hell Catholic priests are nothing in comparison to His Myopicness when it comes to lust for young boys - the younger the better.

{Hell Interpol even has a questionnaire for freshers in the force. One of the questions goes like this

Of the following, who is a pedophile?

A. Arsene Wenger
B. Arsene Wenger
C. Arsene Wenger
D. All of the Above}