I am being hounded
Hounded, hounded, I tell ye hounded
I mean hounded
Didnt u hear what I said?
Hounded
Yes hounded
My life is being hounded every minute when I step out of my house
By the GHMC garbage trucks
those buggers are everywhere, lurking, hiding, biding their time.....i am sure spies are involved.....possibly simian.....
and the moment i step out of my house....voila....there will be garbage trucks....
they will come out of evry nook, every cranny, every lane, every by-lane, every alley and every galley....and they will accelerate and overtake (not a very diff task given Baldrick's lackadaisical attitude to speed) and then slow down right in front of me
and then spew forth their garbage and noxious fumes in a bid to kill me
The Great Indian Chunkubaaz has a hand in it am sure
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Flood
No, not the one evil India and the evil evil USA created by manipulating the weather, nor the one which happens in any city in India after half an hour's rain.....but the one which happened due to the flow from that member of the Tippy Tappy Taleban, Wellbeloved's Beloved Awefully Wee Crybaby Abraham
So why was she crying ye ask?
Is it because some one spanked her?
Is it coz her boss shouted at her?
Is it coz she supports the Arseholes....who have the half man half amazing Flappy?
No, nein, non, nyet, nehin, na, لا, nej, nee, Αριθ., פלסטיני, いいえ, nei, нет, não, ไม่มี, leduuuuuuuuuu
It is because Wellbeloved was late by a whole massive gargantuan half hour or so
Apparently Wellbeloved has to call the Wee One every half an hour or so to announce his presence and to account for his activities - a course of action which Cheapo finds beyond the pale btw. Well this time he didn't.
Wee was sleeping, but she woke up, all heart thumping coz she didnt get the call.
She started hyperventilating.
She started calling the police, the morgues, the hospitals, the airports, the railways, his home and Hyderabad's premier journalist, yours truly.
But alas, no one could tell her anything.
She was decimated, devastated, blitzkrieked, distraught, shattered...the world was over, the sky had fallen on her head, armageddon had arrived
And then he called.
Apparently he had gone to do something she had sent him to do.
WOMEN
So why was she crying ye ask?
Is it because some one spanked her?
Is it coz her boss shouted at her?
Is it coz she supports the Arseholes....who have the half man half amazing Flappy?
No, nein, non, nyet, nehin, na, لا, nej, nee, Αριθ., פלסטיני, いいえ, nei, нет, não, ไม่มี, leduuuuuuuuuu
It is because Wellbeloved was late by a whole massive gargantuan half hour or so
Apparently Wellbeloved has to call the Wee One every half an hour or so to announce his presence and to account for his activities - a course of action which Cheapo finds beyond the pale btw. Well this time he didn't.
Wee was sleeping, but she woke up, all heart thumping coz she didnt get the call.
She started hyperventilating.
She started calling the police, the morgues, the hospitals, the airports, the railways, his home and Hyderabad's premier journalist, yours truly.
But alas, no one could tell her anything.
She was decimated, devastated, blitzkrieked, distraught, shattered...the world was over, the sky had fallen on her head, armageddon had arrived
And then he called.
Apparently he had gone to do something she had sent him to do.
WOMEN
Dream Dream
Fat Uncle Cheapo had a dream, a 6 year old dream
And no, ye perverts, it does not involve girls...in fact it involves an elephant............to be more precise a man with an elephant head
Yep, Fat Uncle Cheapo had a dream aboot Ganesha - the world's 1st transplant patient
To be even more precise, he had a dream of seeing that 100 ft Ganesha them Khairatabadis construct every year.
He had seen it in pics a lot, but never mano y godo
But, he did it, he finally did it
All it took was a traffic jam, a malfunctioning level crossing and a dodgy sense of direction.
Here's what happened - Cheapo wanted to go to Prasads from his office. He saw theres a traffic jam on Khairatabad flyover and decided to take the level crossing.
But alas, man (ok, disgrace to humanity) proposes Indian Railways disposes.
The crossing got conked (hands of that Great Indian Chunkubaaz probably) and so Cheapo had to take alternate routes.....
prob, he didnt know the roads...
result, he got lost
so he was roaming around aimlessly when suddenly like a voila moment he came mano y godo with the giant.
One of them extremely rare times, when he actually got happy and had a dream fulfilled.
And no, ye perverts, it does not involve girls...in fact it involves an elephant............to be more precise a man with an elephant head
Yep, Fat Uncle Cheapo had a dream aboot Ganesha - the world's 1st transplant patient
To be even more precise, he had a dream of seeing that 100 ft Ganesha them Khairatabadis construct every year.
He had seen it in pics a lot, but never mano y godo
But, he did it, he finally did it
All it took was a traffic jam, a malfunctioning level crossing and a dodgy sense of direction.
Here's what happened - Cheapo wanted to go to Prasads from his office. He saw theres a traffic jam on Khairatabad flyover and decided to take the level crossing.
But alas, man (ok, disgrace to humanity) proposes Indian Railways disposes.
The crossing got conked (hands of that Great Indian Chunkubaaz probably) and so Cheapo had to take alternate routes.....
prob, he didnt know the roads...
result, he got lost
so he was roaming around aimlessly when suddenly like a voila moment he came mano y godo with the giant.
One of them extremely rare times, when he actually got happy and had a dream fulfilled.
Monday, August 16, 2010
The Curious Case of the Dog in the Night Time
Well His Coolness has taken to scratching on Mida'ss door at the nightime, around 3 to be precise.
Why ye ask?
Well being an extremely smart member of the canine community, he knows what works and what doesn't......waking Fat Uncle Cheapo at 3 in the night defo doesnt work...so whenever he needs to go out at 3 he scratches at Midas's door......btw for some reason that scratching permeates Midas's sleping subconscious better than any amount of shouting, doorbanging ,window rattling etc etc, none of those have any effect on his sleep, but the scratching wakes him up everytime.
Anyway last night, he did the samething, Midas woke up and woke Fat Uncle Cheapo, who woke up and took His Coolness out.
It was then that it happened, he looked at the moon and let out a resounding howl. And he was answered back, and soon around 50 or 60 members of the canine secret society started chatting. The meeting took place for about 10-15 minutes and then it suddenly stopped.
And then His Coolness looked at fat Uncle Cheapo askance for a few minutes............... it was a cold, calculated look.................and then he happily trotted back inside and went to sleep on Fat Uncle Cheapo's bed.
Why ye ask?
Well being an extremely smart member of the canine community, he knows what works and what doesn't......waking Fat Uncle Cheapo at 3 in the night defo doesnt work...so whenever he needs to go out at 3 he scratches at Midas's door......btw for some reason that scratching permeates Midas's sleping subconscious better than any amount of shouting, doorbanging ,window rattling etc etc, none of those have any effect on his sleep, but the scratching wakes him up everytime.
Anyway last night, he did the samething, Midas woke up and woke Fat Uncle Cheapo, who woke up and took His Coolness out.
It was then that it happened, he looked at the moon and let out a resounding howl. And he was answered back, and soon around 50 or 60 members of the canine secret society started chatting. The meeting took place for about 10-15 minutes and then it suddenly stopped.
And then His Coolness looked at fat Uncle Cheapo askance for a few minutes............... it was a cold, calculated look.................and then he happily trotted back inside and went to sleep on Fat Uncle Cheapo's bed.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Invasion of the North
Fresh from their rumble in the jungle, where they allegedly nagged and harassed the hell out of humans, deers, boids, porcupines and allegedly threw popcorn at the alligators/crocodiles while shouting "Ye r supposed to be extinct ye foocking dinosaurs", Grandpa Uncle Cheapo and Grandma Uncle Cheapo decided to change direction and go north.....and they decided on going as north as possible withour harassing the visa people............
thats right peops, the Cheapos went to Kashmir and Ladakh.
Apparently visiting Ladakh was one of Grandma Uncle Cheapo's top 5 girlhood dreams (she had a few dozens - quite a few of them involving a yet unborn Fat Uncle Cheapo becoming a successful, useful member of society...well those dreams turned out well)
Well the moment they decided on it, they started bugging their favorite tour operator and got them ticket thingies. Then they started bugging all and sundry for sleeping bags, jackets etc etc.
Then they started fighting (well they fight with almost everyone in the planet, and when there's no one around, they fight with themselves...just to keep in practice you know). Being gratly refreshed from the fight, they packed all their stuff.....enough provisions to act as the rescue team for a city under siege.....and toodled off.
Good for them, bad for almost everyone else.
Anyway, after converting a plane full of people into blithering nincompoops, they arrived in Delhi and proceded to spread their unique joy de vivre all around the capital. After their mission was complete, they proceded to Kashmir.
Till today, they claim that they didn't do anything there (apart from falling off a horse), but it is surely not a coincidence that immediately after their departure, the separatist movement gained such a big-ass momentum.
Anyway, then they went to Ladakh.
They were a wee bit tired by this time.....though that didn't stop them from going up places with low oxygen etc etc.
Thankfully, them Budhist monk types, being qualified to handle armageddon, wasn't carried away by the actions of the winsome twosome. They definitely were non-plussed though.
Having a flair for the dramatics (being very good actors and "dhoper kirton" specialists), they saved their best for the last.
It was while coming back down from the mountains. They were in a jeep. They were jumping up and down like an angry Uber on Fat Uncle Cheapo's extremely fragile foot.
Result - breakdown in the middle of nowhere.
Normal people would be worried, disturbed, distressed, frightened etc.
The awesome twosome declared: "Wuhoo".
They proceeded to treck to a nearby village. Upon reaching said village, they proceeded to harass the hell out of the villagers. Soon, they got the villagers to set up a tent and provide sleeping bags. They got the villagers to give them food and coffee.
And then they spooked the villagers by discussing the possibilities of renting a yak caravan to take them to Manali.
The villagers got so bewildered they sent out riders etc to all sides and got mechanics et all.....all in the dead of night....and fixed up the car.
So next morning, after partaking of breakfast-in-bed, they boarded the all fixed up and spruced up car and resumed their journey.
The villagers apparently had a huge bonfire and feast to celebrate the occassion.
thats right peops, the Cheapos went to Kashmir and Ladakh.
Apparently visiting Ladakh was one of Grandma Uncle Cheapo's top 5 girlhood dreams (she had a few dozens - quite a few of them involving a yet unborn Fat Uncle Cheapo becoming a successful, useful member of society...well those dreams turned out well)
Well the moment they decided on it, they started bugging their favorite tour operator and got them ticket thingies. Then they started bugging all and sundry for sleeping bags, jackets etc etc.
Then they started fighting (well they fight with almost everyone in the planet, and when there's no one around, they fight with themselves...just to keep in practice you know). Being gratly refreshed from the fight, they packed all their stuff.....enough provisions to act as the rescue team for a city under siege.....and toodled off.
Good for them, bad for almost everyone else.
Anyway, after converting a plane full of people into blithering nincompoops, they arrived in Delhi and proceded to spread their unique joy de vivre all around the capital. After their mission was complete, they proceded to Kashmir.
Till today, they claim that they didn't do anything there (apart from falling off a horse), but it is surely not a coincidence that immediately after their departure, the separatist movement gained such a big-ass momentum.
Anyway, then they went to Ladakh.
They were a wee bit tired by this time.....though that didn't stop them from going up places with low oxygen etc etc.
Thankfully, them Budhist monk types, being qualified to handle armageddon, wasn't carried away by the actions of the winsome twosome. They definitely were non-plussed though.
Having a flair for the dramatics (being very good actors and "dhoper kirton" specialists), they saved their best for the last.
It was while coming back down from the mountains. They were in a jeep. They were jumping up and down like an angry Uber on Fat Uncle Cheapo's extremely fragile foot.
Result - breakdown in the middle of nowhere.
Normal people would be worried, disturbed, distressed, frightened etc.
The awesome twosome declared: "Wuhoo".
They proceeded to treck to a nearby village. Upon reaching said village, they proceeded to harass the hell out of the villagers. Soon, they got the villagers to set up a tent and provide sleeping bags. They got the villagers to give them food and coffee.
And then they spooked the villagers by discussing the possibilities of renting a yak caravan to take them to Manali.
The villagers got so bewildered they sent out riders etc to all sides and got mechanics et all.....all in the dead of night....and fixed up the car.
So next morning, after partaking of breakfast-in-bed, they boarded the all fixed up and spruced up car and resumed their journey.
The villagers apparently had a huge bonfire and feast to celebrate the occassion.
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